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Week 1
Small Group Activity
• Each small group will play a couple of rounds of the game Mad Gab.
Large Group Discussion:
• What makes communication complex?
• How do different backgrounds, genders, values, and so on complicate
the process even more?
Primary & Secondary Languages:
• We all have a primary language. This is the language we are most comfortable
speaking. Additional learned languages become secondary languages.
• What happens if we encounter someone whose primary language that is
different from ours?
• Language differences are part of human culture. If we are to communicate
effectively across cultural lines, we must learn the language of those with
whom we wish to communicate.
Love Languages: What happens to love after the
wedding?
• In the area of love, it is similar. Your emotional love language and
the language of your spouse, friend, or child may be as different as Chinese
from English.
• Seldom do a husband and wife have the same primary emotional love language.
• We tend to speak our primary love language, and we become confused when
our spouse does not understand what we are communicating. We are expressing
love, but the message does not come through because what, to them, is a foreign
language. The purpose of this book is to discover the five basic love languages
and understand our own primary love language, as well as the primary love language
of our spouse, and then try to apply
• Once you identify and learn to speak your spouse’s primary love
language, you will have discovered the key to a long-lasting loving relationship.
Love need not evaporate after the wedding, but in order to keep it alive, most
of us will need to put forth effort to learn a secondary love language. We cannot
rely on our native tongue if our spouse does not understand it. If we want him/her
to feel the love we are trying to communicate, we must express it in his/her
primary love language.
Keeping the Love Tank Full:
• Psychologists – the need to feel loved is a primary human emotional
need.
• The founder of the Christian faith wanted love to be the distinguishing
characteristic of His followers.
• What would you do for love?
o Climb mountains
o Cross seas
o Traverse desert sands
o Endure untold hardships
• The Apostle Paul exalted love when he indicated that all human accomplishments
that are not motivated by love are, in the end, empty. He concludes by stating
that, in the last scene of the human drama, only three characteristics will
remain: “faith, hope, and love. But the greatest of these is love.”
Handout:
• Give each person the Week 1 - Handout. Read and discuss.
Week 2
The “In-Love” Experience vs “Real
Love”
• In-Love
o At its peak, the “in love” experience is euphoric.
o Romantic Obsession
o Research shows (Psychiatrist Dr. M. Scott Peck):
? Falling in love is not an act of the will or a conscious choice (no matter
how badly we want to fall in love, we cannot make it happen. We may not be seeking
the experience when it overtakes us.
? Falling in love is not real love because it is effortless (whatever we do
in the in-love state requires little discipline or conscious effort on our part.
The instinctual nature of the in-love experience pushes us to do outlandish
and unnatural things for each other.)
? One who is “in love” is not genuinely interested in fostering
the personal growth of the other person. Rather, it gives us the sense that
we have arrived and that we do not need further growth. We are at the apex of
life’s happiness, and our only desire is to stay there
o Agree or Disagree? Those of us who have fallen in love and out of love will
likely agree that the experience does catapult us into emotional orbit unlike
anything else we have experienced. It tends to disengage our reasoning abilities,
and we often find ourselves doing and saying things that we would never have
done in the somber moments
• Real Love
o Emotional in nature, but not obsession
o It involves an act of will and requires discipline, and it recognizes personal
growth.
o Our most basic emotional need is not to fall in love but to be genuinely loved
by another, to know a love that grows out of reason and choice, not instinct.
I need to be loved by someone who chooses to love me, who sees me as worth loving.
(p. 36)
o It is the choice to expend energy in an effort to benefit the other person,
knowing that his or her life is enriched by your efforts, you too will find
a sense of satisfaction. (p. 36)
o How do we meet each others’ deep, emotional need to feel loved? If we
can learn that and choose to do it, then the love we share will be richer beyond
anything we ever felt when we were infatuated. (p. 36)
Filling the “Love Tank” and Love Languages
• When your loved one’s emotional love tank is full and he feels
secure in your love, the whole world looks bright and your spouse will move
out to reach his highest potential in life. (p. 37)
• When your loved one’s emotional love tank is empty and he feels
used but not loved, the whole world looks dark and he will never reach his potential
for good in the world. (p. 37)
• Speaking your beloved Love Language will keep the love tank full. (p.
37)
o Quality Time
o Words of Affirmation
o Gifts
o Acts of Service
o Physical Touch
What is your Love Language?
• Love Language Survey
• Description of Love Languages
Small Group Activity:
• Complete the name for each Love Language.
• As a group, sort through the various scripture verses. Decide which
Love Language each verse exemplifies.
Overview of Love (4)
• John 13:1-17
• Proverbs 10:12
• 1 Peter 1:22
• 1 Peter 4:8
Love Languages:
1. Physical ______________
Matthew 8:3
Matthew 8:15
Matthew 9:20
Matthew 9:29
Matthew 14:36
Matthew 17:7
Matthew 20:34
2. Quality ____________
Ephesians 5:16
Colossians 4:5
3. Words of _____________
John 13:34
John 15:15
Proverbs 12:25
Proverbs 18:21
Proverbs 25:11
4. Acts of _____________
John 13:15
1 Corinthians 12:5
5. Receiving _____________
John 3:16
Week 3
Words of Affirmation.
In our biblical story, Jesus showed his disciples love through words of affirmation.
In John 13:34, Jesus would say: "As I have loved you, so you must love
one another." Jesus affirmed his love for his disciples, and he would later
call them friends in John 15:15. Proverbs 12:25 is about words of affirmation:
"But a kind word cheers him up." In Proverbs 18:21, we are warned
about our words: "The tongue has the power of life and death." Proverbs
25:11 says, "A word aptly spoken is like apples of gold in settings of
silver." So be careful what you say. . . Be careful what you say.
Words of affirmation is a love language. Insults or criticism can especially
hurt us if our love language is words of affirmation, but words of encouragement,
admiration, and respect can be healing and therapeutic. Compliments, affirmations,
and appreciation can fill up our love tanks, especially if our love language
is words of affirmation. So watch your love language. "I love you. Thank
you. I appreciate you. I am sorry. You’re the best husband ever. You’re
the best wife ever. You, kids are great!
"Three boys got together and were bragging on their dads and how much money
they make. The first boy said, "My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece
of paper. He calls it a poem, and they give him $50." The second boy said,
"Well, my Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper. He calls it a
song, and they give him $100." The third boy said, "That’s nothing.
My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper. He calls it a sermon, and
it takes eight men to collect all the money." Those boys were bragging
on their dads. We need to brag on our husband or wife. We need to brag on our
kids. We need to brag on our parents.
We need to fill up their love tank with words of affirmation. A man and a woman
were talking about romance. The woman said, "You never say, ‘I love
you.’" The stoic man said, "I told you thirty years ago ‘I
love you, and if anything changes, I’ll let you know." Folks, that’s
not good enough. Let your family know through words of affirmation that you
love them and praise them every day.
Skit: Words of Affirmation
Discussion:
• What do you think Joan learned from this experience?
(Joan learned that verbal compliments are far greater motivators than nagging
words. I am not suggesting verbal flattery in order to get your spouse to do
something you want. The object of love is not getting something you want but
doing something for the well-being of the one you love. It is a fact, however,
that when we receive affirming words we are far more likely to be motivated
to reciprocate and do something our spouse desires.)
Encouraging Words
• Encourage means: to inspire courage.
• Perhaps your spouse has untapped potential in one or more areas of life.
That potential might be awaiting your encouraging words.
o This is not pressuring your spouse to do something you want. If your spouse
does not have the desire to accomplish something, your words fall into the category
of preaching.
• Encouragement requires empathy and seeing the world from your loved
one’s perspective. We must first learn what is important to our loved
ones.
• It may take great effort for you to learn this love language. That would
be especially true if you have a pattern of critical and condemning words, but
it will be worth the effort.
“About time you took the garbage out.
The flies were going to carry it out for you.”
Kind Words
• Love is kind. If then we are to communicate love verbally, we must use
kind words. That has to do with the way we speak. The same sentence can have
two different meanings depending on how you say it.
• Sometimes our words are saying one thing, but our tone of voice is saying
another. We are sending double messages. Our spouse will usually interpret our
message based on our tome of voice, not the words we use.
• When your loved one is angry and upset and lashing out words of heat,
if you choose to be loving you will not reciprocate with additional heat but
with a soft voice. You will receive what he is saying as information about his
emotional feelings. You will let him tell you of his hurt, angry, and perception
of events. You will seek to put yourself in his shoes and see the events through
his eyes and then express softly and kindle your understanding of why he feels
that way. If you have wronged him, you will be willing to confess the wrong
and ask forgiveness. If your motivation is different from what he is reading,
you will be able to explain your motivation kindly. You will seek understanding
and reconciliation, and not to prove your own perception as the way to interpret
what has happened.
• Love doesn’t keep a score of wrongs.
• Love doesn’t bring up past failures
• When you have been wronged by a loved one, you have the option of justice
or forgiveness. If you choose justice and seek to pay her back or make her pay
for her wrongdoing, you are making yourself the judge and her the felon. If,
however, you choose to forgive, intimacy can be restored. Forgiveness is the
way of love. Forgiveness is not a feeling; it is a commitment. It is a choice
to show mercy, not to hold offense up against the offender. Forgiveness is an
expression of love. “I love you. I care about you, and I choose to forgive
you. Even though my feelings of hurt may linger, I will not allow what has happened
to come between us. I hope that we can learn from this experience. I love you,
and together we will go from here.”
(say in a snarling way) “I would love to do the dishes tonight.”
Humble Words
• Love makes requests, not demands. When I demand things from my spouse,
I become a parent and she the child. It is the parent who tells the three year
old what he ought to…and must do. That is because the three year old does
not yet know how to navigate in the treacherous waters of life…in marriage,
we are equal partners. If we are to develop an intimate relationship, we need
to know each other’s desires. If we wish to love each other, we need to
know what the other person wants.
o Requests = affirming loved one’s worth and abilities; offers choice
o Demands = tyrant and belittling behaviors
“Haven’t had an apple pie since the baby was born. Don’t guess
I’ll get anymore apple pies for 18 years.”
Various Dialicts
• Direct words
• Indirect words
• Affirm in front of others
What if I am not a man or woman of words?!
• Read a book or article on love…record words of affirmation that
you find
• When you hear a lecture on love… record words of affirmation
• When you overhear a friend say a positive thing about another person…
record words of affirmation
• In time, you will collect quite a list of words to use in communicating
love.
Skit: Words of Affirmation
Joan: Have you got a minute?
Dr. Chapman: Sure Joan. Come in.
Joan: Dr. Chapman, I’ve got a problem. I can’t get my husband to paint our bedroom.. I have been after him for 9 months. I have tried everything I know, I can’t get him to paint it.
Dr. Chapman: (looking thoughtful) Tell me about it.
Joan: Well, last Saturday was a good example. You remember how pretty it was? Do you know what my husband did all day long? He washed and waxed the car!
Dr. Chapman: So what did you do Joan?
Joan: I went out there and said, “Bob, I don’t understand you. Today would have been a perfect day to paint the bedroom, and here you are washing and waxing the car.
Dr. Chapman: So did he paint the bedroom?
Joan: No. It’s still not painted. I don’t know what to do.
Dr. Chapman: Joan let me ask you a question. Are you opposed to clean, waxed cars.
Joan: No, but I want the bedroom painted.
Dr. Chapman: Are you certain that your husband knows that you want the bedroom painted?
Joan: Oh…he knows! I have been after him for 9 months.
Dr. Chapman: Let me ask you one more question. Does your husband ever do anything good?
Joan: Like what?
Dr. Chapman: Oh, like taking out the garbage, or getting bugs off of the windshield, or putting gas in the car, or paying the electric bill, or hanging his coat up?
Joan: Yes, he does some of those things.
Dr. Chapman: Joan, I have two suggestions. One, don’t ever mention painting the bedroom again. Don’t ever mention painting the bedroom again.
Joan: I don’t see how that’s going to help.
Dr. Chapman: Look you just told me that he knows that you want the bedroom painted. You don’t have to tell him anymore. He already knows. The second suggestion I have is that the next time your husband does anything good, give him a verbal compliment. If he pays the electric bill, put your hand on his shoulder and say, “Bob, I really appreciate you paying the electric bill. I hear there are husbands who don’t do that, and I want you to know how much I appreciate it.” Every time he does something good, give him a verbal compliment.
Joan: I don’t see how that’s going to get the bedroom painted.
Dr. Chapman: You asked for my advice. You have it. It’s free.
Three weeks later…
Joan: It worked!
Dr. Chapman: (turning and addressing the audience) Joan learned that verbal
compliments are far greater motivators than nagging words. I am not suggesting
verbal flattery in order to get your spouse to do something you want. The object
of love is not getting something you want but doing something for the well-being
of the one you love. It is a fact, however, that when we receive affirming words
we are far more likely to be motivated to reciprocate and do something our spouse
desires.
Week 4
Love Language #2 - Quality Time
In our biblical story, Jesus spent quality time with his disciples during the
Passover. It was his last supper. It was his last days, and Jesus chose to spend
that quality time with his disciples because he loved them. The Bible commands
us in Ephesians 5:16 and Colossians 4:5 to make the most of every opportunity.
The King James Version says we are to be "redeeming the time." We
are to manage our time or time will manage us. If we really love someone or
something, we will manage our time.
Quality time is a love language for many, and it may be yours. When we clear
our calendar to be with spouse or family member, or turn off the TV to spend
quality time with a loved one, it communicates interest, priority, and love.
If your love language is quality time, it will involve quality activities and
quality conversations. It’s not quality time if you are spending time
with your wife over dinner, yet your mind is still at work. We all need and
require time to be loved, but for the person whose primary love language is
quality time you have to be there or that person will starve for love.
A little boy was saving up money for a toy, and he asked his dad about how he
could earn money to buy the toy. The father suggested several possibilities.
Then from out of the blue, the boy asked, "Dad, how much money do you make
an hour?" The father became upset and told the boy that it was none of
his business. An hour later, the father became guilty about his outburst and
went to his son and apologized. The father said he got mad because he realized
that his son wanted him to buy the toy for him. But then the boy cleared up
the confusion: He said, "Dad, I didn’t want to know how much you
make an hour, so that you could buy the toy for me. Dad, I wanted to know how
much you make an hour, so I could buy an hour of your time and be with you."
Redeem the time. Make the most of every opportunity. Invest quality time with
your family members.
What is Quality Time?
Spending quality time together through sharing, listening, and participating
in joint meaningful activities communicates that we truly care for and enjoy
each other. It is not sitting on the couch watching television together. When
you spend time that way, NBC or ABC has your attention—not your spouse.
Spending quality time together means giving someone your undivided attention.
It is sitting on the couch with the TV off, looking at each other and talking,
giving each other your undivided attention. Or it means taking a walk, just
the two of you or going out to eat and looking at each other and talking.
Fix the Scenario
Divide into small groups. The facilitators will present a scenario to each small
group that is not considered an example of Quality Time. Your group’s
job is to fix the scenario so that it exemplifies Quality Time and present it
to the large group.
1. Togetherness - A central aspect of quality time is togetherness. I do not
mean proximity…togetherness has to do with focused attention. Some husbands
and wives think they are spending time together when, in reality, they are only
living in close proximity. They are in the same house at the same time, but
they are not together. A husband who is watching sports on television while
he talks to his wife is not giving her quality time because she does not have
his full attention. Quality time does not mean that we have to spend our together
moments gazing into each other’s eyes. It means that we are doing something
together and that we are giving our full attention to the other person. The
activity in which we are both engaged is incidental. The important thing emotionally
is that we are spending focused time with each other.
(Scenario: A husband is reading the newspaper in one room and the wife is folding
clothes in another room)
2. Quality Conversation - Sympathetic dialogue where two individuals are sharing
their experiences, thoughts, feelings, and desires in a friendly, uninterrupted
context.
• Maintain eye contact when your spouse is talking. That keeps your mind
from wandering and communicates that he/she has your full attention.
• Don’t listen to your spouse and do something else at the same
time. Remember, quality time is giving someone your undivided attention.
• Listen for feelings. Ask yourself, “What emotions is my spouse
experiencing?” When you think you have the answer confirm it. For example,
“It sounds to me like you are feeling disappointed because I forgot_______.”
That gives him the chance to clarify his feelings. It also communicates that
you are listening intently to what he is saying.
• Observe Body Language. Clenched fists, trembling hands, tears, furrowed
brows, and eye movement may give you clues as to what the other is feeling.
Sometimes body language speaks one message while words speak another. Ask for
clarification to make sure you know what she is really thinking and feeling.
• Refuse to interrupt. Recent research has indicated that the average
individual listens for only 17seconds before interrupting and interjecting his
own ideas. If I give you my undivided attention while you are talking, I will
refrain from defending myself or hurling accusations at you or dogmatically
stating my position. My goal is to discover your thoughts and feelings. My objective
is not to defend myself or set you straight. It is to understand you.
(Scenario: A teenager is telling her mom about something that happened in her
day. The mom is reading the newspaper and responding with occasional grunts
and glances.)
3. Learning to talk – Quality conversation requires not only sympathetic
listening but also self-revelation. When a wife says, “I wish my husband
would talk. I never know what he’s thinking or feeling,” she is
pleading for intimacy. She wants to feel close to her husband, but how can she
feel close to someone whom she doesn’t know? In order for her to feel
loved, he must learn to reveal himself. In each of life’s events, we have
emotions, thoughts, desires, and eventually actions. It is the expression of
that process that we call self-revelation. If you choose to learn the love dialect
of quality conversation, that is the learning road you must follow.
• Why would self-revelation be difficult for some of us? Many adults grew
up in homes where the expression of thoughts and feelings was not encouraged
but condemned.
o A child requests a toy – Parental response: A lecture on the sad state
of family finances
o A child expresses anger – Parental response: harsh and condemning words.
o A child expresses disappointment – Parental response: Guilt trip
• A wife says to her husband, “How did you feel about what Don did?”
And the husband responds, “I think he was wrong. He should have…”
He is not telling his feelings. He is voicing thoughts
• If you need to learn the language of quality conversation, begin by
noting the emotions you feel away from home.
o Carry a small note pad. Three times each day, ask yourself, “What emotions
have I felt in the last 3 hours?”
Event Feelings
tailgater angry
gas station very upset
no secretary disappointed
work project due in 3 days frustrated and anxious
(Scenario: A husband and wife are talking together.)
Wife: Wasn’t that a wonderful evening. The dinner was delicious. The movie
was so touching. It reminded me of our early days…(sigh). I feel so warm
and wonderful…(sigh). I am so happy…are you happy?...(sigh)
Husband: Yea. The steak was a bit overcooked. I thought the movie was a chick-flick
but I guess it was good.
Wife: Didn’t our date make you feel…closer to me?
Husband: Yea. I guess.
Wife: (crosses her arms and looks disgusted at her husband)
4. Personality Types – Not all of us are out of touch with our emotions,
but when it comes to talking, all of us are affected by our personality. There
are two basic personality types:
• Dead Sea – In the little nation of Israel, the Sea of Galilee
flows south by way of the Jordan River into the Dead Sea. The Dead Sea goes
nowhere. It receives but it does not give. This personality type receives many
experiences, emotions, and thoughts throughout the day. They have a large reservoir
where they store information, and they are perfectly happy not to talk. If you
say to a Dead Sea personality, “What’s wrong? Why aren’t you
talking tonight?” He will probably answer, “Nothing’s wrong.
What makes you think something’s wrong?” And that response is perfectly
honest. He is content not to talk.
• Babbling Brook – For this personality, whatever enters into the
eye gate or the ear gate comes out the mouth gate and there are seldom 60 seconds
between the two. What ever they see, whatever they hear, they tell. In fact
if no one is at home to talk to, they will call someone else. If they can’t
get someone on the telephone, they may talk to themselves because they have
no reservoir.
• Many times a Dead Sea marries a Babbling Brook.
• Daily Minimum Requirement for a healthy marriage: One way to learn new
patterns is to establish a daily sharing time in which each of you will talk
about 3 things that happened to you that day and how you feel about them.
(Scenario: A couple is in a car driving to Chicago. The wife starts the car
ride talking and ends the car ride with the comment, “We just drove all
the way to Chicago and you haven’t said a word…I did all of the
talking!)
5. Quality Activities – “I feel most loved by my wife when we do
things together, things I like to do and things she likes to do. We talk more.
It feels like we are dating again.”
• Quality Activities essential ingredients include:
o At least one of you wants to do it
o The other is willing to do it
o Both of you know why you are doing it—to express love by being together
• One of the by-products of quality activities is that they provide a
memory bank from which to draw in the years ahead.
(Scenario: A mom and her teenage daughter are at the mall. The teenager and
her mom are walking along.)
Teenager: Isn’t it great shopping together?!
Mom: I hate the mall on the weekends. They are so crowded.
Teenager: You have been saying how you need a new purse. Let’s look for
one for you.
Mom: You know that everything in the mall is so expensive. I will get one at
Wal-Mart later.
Teenager: Let’s go to the GAP
Mom: Go ahead. I’ll wait in the food court. Call me when you are ready
to go.
Week 5
Love Language #3 Gifts
You must be thinking of someone to give him a gift. The gift itself is a symbol
of that thought. It doesn’t matter whether it costs money. What is important
is that you thought of him. And it is not the thought implanted only in the
mind that counts, but the thought expressed in actually securing the gift and
giving it as an expression of love.
What are wedding rings that are exchanged on a couple’s wedding day an
example of?
• visual symbols of love
• symbol of emotional value
In our biblical story, Jesus showed his disciples love through gifts. During
the Last Supper as recorded in the Gospels (Matthew, Mark, and Luke), Jesus
would give them the gifts of the bread and the wine. They were but symbols of
an even greater gift—himself. The elements of the Lord’s Supper
would remind them of his sacrificial gift on the cross of Calvary—his
body and blood for our sins. "For God so loved the world that he gave his
one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal
life" (John 3:16).
The next love language is gifts. It may be a batch of brownies, a bouquet of
roses, a souvenir, some cash, some decorations, or some candy like runts. It’s
not the cost of the gift, but the thought behind it that really counts. If your
spouse or your kids have the love language of gifts, then make it a habit of
getting them a little something, but most of all don’t forget to give
yourself. For you are a person of great worth and great value.
A little girl was playing at home when she accidentally broke one of the family
heirlooms, an oriental vase that had been passed from one generation to the
next. Because she knew it was of great value, the little girl cried when she
broke it. The mother came to the scene. The little girl expected a spanking,
but to her surprise there was no anger but a sign of relief on her face. The
mother said, "Oh, darling, I thought you were hurt." And the mother
hugged the little girl and rocked her back and forth in her arms. Years later,
the little girl who would become a woman would reflect on the incident and said,
"That was a great moment for me—I discovered that day that I was
the family treasure." May this day be the great moment when you discover
that you are the family treasure for whom Jesus Christ paid the price with his
life that you may receive all good gifts, which begins with the gift of salvation!
Excuses:
• I’m not a gift giver.
• I didn’t receive many gifts growing up.
• I never learned how to select gifts.
• It doesn’t come naturally for me
If your loved one’s primary love language is receiving gifts, you can
become a proficient gift giver. In fact, it is one of the easiest love languages
to learn!
Where to begin:
• Make a list of all the gifts your loved one has expressed excitement
about receiving over the years. These may be gifts given by you, other family
members, or friends. This list will give you an idea of the kind of gifts your
loved one would enjoy receiving.
• If you have little or no knowledge about selecting the kinds of gifts
on your list, recruit the help of family members who no your spouse.
• Select gifts you are comfortable purchasing, making, or finding and
give them to your loved one.
• Don’t wait for a special occasion!
• If your beloved has been critical of your gifts in the past and almost
nothing you have given has been acceptable, then receiving gifts is almost certainly
not her primary love language.
Gifts and Money
• Each of us has an individualized perception of money, and we have various
emotions associated with spending it.
o Some of us feel good when we are spending money
o Other’s of us feel good when we are saving money and investing it wisely
• If you are a spender, you will have little difficulty purchasing gifts
for your loved ones. But if you are a saver, you will experience emotional resistance
to the idea of spending money as an expression of love.
• You don’t purchase things for yourself. Why should you purchase
things for your loved one?
o This attitude fails to recognize that you are purchasing things for yourself.
By saving and investing money you are purchasing self-worth and emotional security.
You are caring for your emotional needs in the way you handle money. What you
are not doing is meeting the emotional need of your loved one. If you discovered
that your loved one’s primary love language is receiving gifts, then perhaps
you will understand that purchasing gifts for him or her is the best investment
you can make. You are investing in your relationship and filling your love’s
emotional love tank, and with a full love tank, he or she will likely reciprocate
emotional love in a language you will understand. When both persons’ emotional
needs are met, your relationship will take on a whole new dimension.
The Gift of Self
• Physical presence in the time of crisis is the most powerful gift you
can give if your loved one’s primary love language is receiving gifts
• If the physical presence of your loved one is important to you, verbalize
it! Don’t expect anyone to be a mind reader.
Activity
In your small groups, discuss the questions and record your ideas on the chart
paper.
• Share examples of the importance of and types of gifts from different
cultures, family traditions, and personality types. How do they express love,
and why are they of value?
• Your primary love language is not Gifts. In fact, this is at the bottom
of your list! One day you received a gift you didn’t especially value.
How is the following quote important to you, the receiver in your attitude and
response to the gift and the gift giver?
The value of a gift is in the eye of the beholder.
• Brainstorm and list gift ideas for each category:
o Free Gifts
o Cheap Gifts
o Dreamy Gifts
o Romantic Gifts
o Gifts of physical presence
o ?????
Week 6 on next page 2
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