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The Five Love Languages
By Gary Chapman

Week 1

Dr. Gary Chapman, a minister and psychologist, identifies five basic categories of love which fill our love tank. In his book The Five Love Languages, Chapman reasons that even as a person has a primary language, whether that is English, Spanish, or French, so we have a primary love language. Naturally, we are to love people with all five love languages, but one love language seems to fill our love tanks better than all the rest.

• What’s your love language?
• What’s your spouse’s love language?
• What’s your kids’ love language?
• What about your parents?

If you will visit our website at www.faithumc.com, you can take the love language inventory and discover your love language and the love language of your spouse and your kids.
In the meantime, the Bible commands us to love everyone especially those in our family.
• Proverbs 10:12 reminds us that in spite of our mistakes, "love covers up all wrongs."
• 1 Peter 1:22 says that we are not to love superficially but with depth, "Love one another deeply from the heart."
• 1 Peter 4:8 emphasizes both of these thoughts in the two previous verses: "Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers a multitude of sins."

How can we effectively love one another and love one another deeply, if we don’t know our family member’s love language? We may love someone the way we want to be loved but not in the way our spouse or child would like to be loved.
• In John 13:1, the Scriptures tell us of Christ’s great love for his disciples: "Having loved his own who were in the world, he now showed them the full extent of his love." In this biblical passage, Jesus Christ explicitly and implicitly demonstrated all five of the love languages. . .
Small Group Activity:
Using a different color of highlighter for each Love Language, identify parts of the John 13 that exemplify each of the Love Languages.

Small Group Activity:
Using a different color of highlighter for each Love Language, identify parts of the John 13 that exemplify each of the Love Languages.
John 13
Jesus Washes His Disciples' Feet
1It was just before the Passover Feast. Jesus knew that the time had come for him to leave this world and go to the Father. Having loved his own who were in the world, he now showed them the full extent of his love.[a]
2The evening meal was being served, and the devil had already prompted Judas Iscariot, son of Simon, to betray Jesus. 3Jesus knew that the Father had put all things under his power, and that he had come from God and was returning to God; 4so he got up from the meal, took off his outer clothing, and wrapped a towel around his waist. 5After that, he poured water into a basin and began to wash his disciples' feet, drying them with the towel that was wrapped around him.
6He came to Simon Peter, who said to him, "Lord, are you going to wash my feet?"
7Jesus replied, "You do not realize now what I am doing, but later you will understand."
8"No," said Peter, "you shall never wash my feet."
Jesus answered, "Unless I wash you, you have no part with me."
9"Then, Lord," Simon Peter replied, "not just my feet but my hands and my head as well!"
10Jesus answered, "A person who has had a bath needs only to wash his feet; his whole body is clean. And you are clean, though not every one of you." 11For he knew who was going to betray him, and that was why he said not every one was clean.
12When he had finished washing their feet, he put on his clothes and returned to his place. "Do you understand what I have done for you?" he asked them. 13"You call me 'Teacher' and 'Lord,' and rightly so, for that is what I am. 14Now that I, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also should wash one another's feet. 15I have set you an example that you should do as I have done for you. 16I tell you the truth, no servant is greater than his master, nor is a messenger greater than the one who sent him. 17Now that you know these things, you will be blessed if you do them.
Jesus Predicts His Betrayal
18"I am not referring to all of you; I know those I have chosen. But this is to fulfill the scripture: 'He who shares my bread has lifted up his heel against me.'[b]
19"I am telling you now before it happens, so that when it does happen you will believe that I am He. 20I tell you the truth, whoever accepts anyone I send accepts me; and whoever accepts me accepts the one who sent me."
21After he had said this, Jesus was troubled in spirit and testified, "I tell you the truth, one of you is going to betray me."
22His disciples stared at one another, at a loss to know which of them he meant. 23One of them, the disciple whom Jesus loved, was reclining next to him. 24Simon Peter motioned to this disciple and said, "Ask him which one he means."
25Leaning back against Jesus, he asked him, "Lord, who is it?"
26Jesus answered, "It is the one to whom I will give this piece of bread when I have dipped it in the dish." Then, dipping the piece of bread, he gave it to Judas Iscariot, son of Simon. 27As soon as Judas took the bread, Satan entered into him.
"What you are about to do, do quickly," Jesus told him, 28but no one at the meal understood why Jesus said this to him. 29Since Judas had charge of the money, some thought Jesus was telling him to buy what was needed for the Feast, or to give something to the poor. 30As soon as Judas had taken the bread, he went out. And it was night.
Jesus Predicts Peter's Denial
31When he was gone, Jesus said, "Now is the Son of Man glorified and God is glorified in him. 32If God is glorified in him,[c] God will glorify the Son in himself, and will glorify him at once.
33"My children, I will be with you only a little longer. You will look for me, and just as I told the Jews, so I tell you now: Where I am going, you cannot come.
34"A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. 35By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another."
36Simon Peter asked him, "Lord, where are you going?"
Jesus replied, "Where I am going, you cannot follow now, but you will follow later."
37Peter asked, "Lord, why can't I follow you now? I will lay down my life for you."
38Then Jesus answered, "Will you really lay down your life for me? I tell you the truth, before the rooster crows, you will disown me three times!
Footnotes:
a. John 13:1 Or he loved them to the last
b. John 13:18 Psalm 41:9
c. John 13:32 Many early manuscripts do not have If God is glorified in him.

Week 2

The “In-Love” Experience vs “Real Love”
• In-Love

• Real Love

Filling the “Love Tank” and Love Languages
• Full Emotional Love Tank

• Empty Emotional Love Tank

• Speaking your beloved Love Language will keep the love tank full. (p. 37)
o Quality Time
o Words of Affirmation
o Gifts
o Acts of Service
o Physical Touch

What is your Love Language?
• Love Language Survey
• Description of Love Languages

Small Group Activity:
• Complete the name for each Love Language.
• As a group, sort through the various scripture verses. Decide which Love Language each verse exemplifies.
Overview of Love (4)
Love Languages:
1. Quality ____________(2)
2. Words of _____________ (5)
3. Receiving _____________(1)
4. Acts of _____________(2)
5. Physical ______________ (7)

Week 3

Words of Affirmation
• Jesus showed his disciples love through words of affirmation
• Criticism vs. Compliments
• We need to fill up their love tank with words of affirmation

Types of Affirming Words
• Encouraging Words: Encourage means: to inspire courage.
• Untapped potential in one or more areas of life
• We must first learn what is important to our loved ones.
• It may take great effort for you to learn this love language.
Activity: With your group, come up with one or two other ways to express the thought.

• Kind Words
• Love is kind.
• Sometimes our words are saying one thing, but our tone of voice is saying another.
• Seek understanding and reconciliation
• Love doesn’t keep a score of wrongs.
• Love doesn’t bring up past failures
• When you have been wronged by a loved one, you have the option of justice or forgiveness.
Activity: With your group, come up with one or two other ways to express the thought.

• Humble Words
• Love makes requests, not demands.
Activity: With your group, come up with one or two other ways to express the thought.

Various Dialicts
• Direct words
• Indirect words
• Affirm in front of others

What if I am not a man or woman of words?!

Leaders Guide